My Autistic son ate a staff’s donut at school today. It’s not something The Boy is able to have because of his food allergies. Since he was going to have a ‘reaction’ anyway, I thought it would be a good time to take him out for something special. Just the two of us. I mean if he is going to have GI upset anyway – I might as well have a nice moment with him first right!?
So I took him out and got him some junk food from a drive through. I thought it was going to make him very happy. Fries, fingers and lemonade, a big treat for a kid with tons of food issues! Bomb Mom status was going to be mine.
Boy Was I Wrong
He was happy with the lemonade, but when the bag came out of the drive through window he kept trying to dig into it. All I ordered was all fingers and fries. Man he was not happy. He took his drink bottle from school and repeatedly smashed it on the armrest between the front two seats. I had to pull over and wrestle it out of his hands. He continued to growl at me while he threw his food, piece by piece at my head. I guess I should be thankful he wasn’t kicking at me or grabbing my hair. But finding a thankful idea in my head was impossible. His nonverbal Autism was, once again, causing some serious communication barriers.
I felt like such a failure. I just wanted to cry. So much for doing something that was going to make him happy. Because he has no adequate communication system in place, he couldn’t tell me what would make him happy. He couldn’t tell me that my choice made him angry, or sad, or frustrated, or disappointed. I just wanted to scream out and beg for a moment of peace. A moment of…..
I just wanted to give my child a special dinner treat. Is that too much to ask? I know so many other parents of Autistic children out there feel it too. We long to have just a moment where life is life. Where you aren’t struggling with every detail of every day. In my deepest hour of my pity party, where I feel like another failure – I reach out to my support system. My support group. I can not stress how important it is to have support. Find one, and if you don’t know how – I am happy to help you.