Autism Tips

Nonverbal Autism makes car rides tricky

by Theresa Yeager

I load the car and hope that everything goes as planned. A favorite snack is ready to go; drink and electronic device are positioned where they are easily accessible. His backpack is in the trunk with the coat, boots and socks he needs for school. Car diffuser is running with Grounding essential oil blend in it. What’s so tricky about that? How could this possibly go amiss? Because people with Autism like their routine, this setup brings the comfort of consistency to My Boy. The problem is that today some of my other kids are riding in the car with him too.

Thankfully, my Daughter and Teen know to stay completely silent for the entire trip. They know that they can not have an electronic device for the drive and they can not have anything to eat. They will sit in silence and read for the half hour we are on our journey together.

The most difficult part is that My Boy needs to sit in the front seat instead of his usual seat in the back. I can’t risk putting him next to my Daughter. In all honesty, My Boy does better riding in the front than riding in the back next to someone anyway – so the system seems to work.

After he’s done yelling at me.

I’ve said it before – every action, every behavior – is communication. So how does my nonverbal, 12 year old child with Autism tell me he doesn’t like to ride in the front seat? How will he express to me that he doesn’t like the change in routine?

Simple, he’ll hit me.

If he is mildly annoyed it will be a light tap on my arm while he bites his hand. The angrier he is, the harder he will hit me with his hand, his head, his device or even his food. He will also use hair pulling, pinching and biting if he feels that I am not listening to him.

What is an Autism Momma to do?

I am very sorry fellow Autism parents. I have no amazing words of wisdom to get your through tough car rides. I try to have a ‘special’ snack for him on days that I know the drive will be tough. I will also try my best to keep it as part of the routine – other kids are in the car on Tuesdays for example.

As he is yelling at me with his behavior, I tell him that I am listening to him. I will say over and over again that I know he is angry/upset. I think it is paramount for us as Autism parents to remember that our nonverbal children need to know that they are heard. That what they are saying through their actions is important. Since I know he is struggling and being stern with him is only going to escalate his behavior, I will gently remind him that he needs to talk nicely to me.

Above all, you need to stay safe. You can not safely drive if you are being pummeled. Pull over if you need to. Make an unexpected stop in a parking lot and get out and walk.

Getting to your destination is not more important than your life.

Rekindled Romance

by Theresa Yeager

The other night Hubby and I used a service at Family Autism Center in Rochester, NY.

For $20 they cared for The Boy at their facility for a few hours.

Was that ideal?

The center was over an hour away. I had to find a sitter for the other kids (thanks to my Teen that wasn’t too difficult!). And it wasn’t enough time for us to do anything but grab a very quick dinner and a bit of ice cream. To top it all off, my son was scared to enter the building and took off running down the street!

But the staff at the center was amazing and he had a great time. Most importantly, for those few hours, we were just like any other couple. I didn’t even worry once about him. Hubby and I left holding hands, chatting and enjoying each other’s company without having a child interrupt us or the dirty dishes in the sink distracting us. We ate and headed back to a happy child who was ready to go home!

To expect Autism parents to have a weekly or even monthly date night out on the town is probably ridiculous. I know it is for us. But we try to spend time together each week – even if it is just for an hour alone in the car together on our way to get The Boy from school! Do what works for you, but DO take time. Want some guidelines?

Time for yourself — An hour or 2 a week is a must. 1 hour a night is ideal, but do what you can. Trust me, I know it’s hard.
Time as a couple — At home, try to take 30 minutes a day to connect with your spouse. If that seems unrealistic because of your schedules, at least get a good 1-2 hours a week together. I’m talking alone time. Not we are going to chat about the kids, house, work or anything else that must be done. Time to just hang out and enjoy each other. If you only are getting an hour, don’t spend it watching TV or on your phone either. Spend time connecting with each other.
Get out with your significant other without the kids once a month if you can. Once every 3 months needs to be a priority!

Share with me your creative ways you keep your sanity! What do you do? How do you grab time alone? What are your secrets for finding time for your spouse? I would love to hear from you!

I’ve started to share Saturday Stories to make it a little easier to relax for a few moments each day. These are short stories you can read through in just 20-30 minutes. The idea is to give you a way to quickly find something you can enjoy when the opportunity presents itself. If your life is like mine – you may suddenly find yourself with a few moments of quiet. By the time you decide how to spend the time, the moment is over. Instead, visit the Story section of the blog and in seconds you can have your Stress Away oil on your body and an entertaining story in front of you!

Child Lock

by Theresa Yeager

I must say this video shows a great idea for keeping kids from emptying their dresser. I do like the idea that my son will go into a drawer to grab himself a new shirt if he needs it. I don’t like the idea of having him empty ALL of his clothes onto the floor.

My added problem? He wets the bed, wakes, strips, and throws his wet clothes on the floor too. Then in the morning… or the middle of the night… he will empty his clothes onto the pile of wet stuff. Now everything is smelly. I think I would modify this and give him access to one drawer. In that drawer he would have just 1 change of clothes. Then he could be independent, and I could stay sane 😉

3 steps to surviving school breaks

by Theresa Yeager

Oh my goodness. I can’t believe it is only TUESDAY!! My wonderful, amazing, energetic and loving Boy has off all week-long for spring break. That means 9 days without services and Hubby and I running without a break. That is rough on a family, let me tell you!

So, let me cut to the chase since I am ready to crash on the couch and try to recover. I don’t even want to think about tomorrow, but I must if I plan on making it through this school break without tons of meltdowns and miserable kids. I’m going to give you all my top 3 tips to surviving when your child has off from school for extended periods of time. It’s not rocket science, but when your brain is mush (like mine is right now!) it is helpful to have a list to look at so you can refocus, regroup and then charge back into battle:

Have some structure in your day. I don’t mean that you have to run a full on school day in your home, but your child will feel much better if the main times are kept the same. If he/she usually has lunch at 11:30, recess and then a snack at 2, try to accommodate that at home as well. Children with special needs tend to like routine and this small step can eliminate a lot of heartache for both parent and child.
Build sensory needs into your routine. If you have a sensory kiddo at home, then chances are that you already have sensory ‘things’ you do at home to get through the night. Now realize that your child isn’t getting any input from his/her therapies at school during the day. You need to up the ante at home. An hour-long bath in the afternoon plus the bedtime bath – not a bad idea!! Let your child play in a dish pan in the sink with bubbles, grab some play-doh or moon sand, dig outside in the dirt, carry rocks from your garden, pull a wagon or push a wheelbarrow, take some time to swing on the swings or climb the rock wall at a local park. Whatever your child’s needs are – you will need to fill them while they are off from school. If you forget to do this, after a few days you will be faced with a sensory deprived child who is a very unhappy camper indeed <3
Family Time
Finally – DO SOMETHING FUN!! Your child is home with you for days on end. You may be counting the hours until you can crash in your bed, but don’t forget that this is supposed to be a time that parents take to bond with their children and do something enjoyable. What does your child enjoy? Pick something that works with your child so that you can enjoy the time rather than feel stressed. Maybe strapping him/her into a stroller and going for a walk in the park would be enjoyable. Maybe a trip to a sparsely populated lake or beach. We love to go to a local creek with hiking trails so that the Boy can throw rocks in the water. It fills his sensory needs (they are some BIG rocks) and the rest of the kids get to look at the wildlife, play in the water and just run around being kids.

The BEST is when there is a park right there too. We can all be together. A family.

Whatever happens over school break, make sure you take a few moments to recharge yourself. Self-care is of the utmost importance. You won’t be able to care for everyone else if you don’t care for yourself. It is hard when we don’t have someone take our child for a few hours and we are constantly going. We are on high alert during break and we go long periods of time without ‘down’ time. Putting your body through extended periods of stress is unhealthy.

So take a moment. It may be the 25 seconds you have to go to the bathroom today. Maybe your child is happily playing on a device for a short time. Seize the moment to care for yourself. This week all I can manage is to make myself a cup of tea, and diffuse some Lemon or Stress Away essential oil to keep my spirits up. I plan to do some serious self-care come Monday when The Boy is BACK IN SCHOOL!!

My hubby protected my TV!!

by Theresa Yeager

If you have a kiddo like my Boy, you know that electronics break way too easily. We have busted iPads, iPods, televisions, DVD players, telephones, clocks – you name it and it has been broken. Autism can affect a child’s ability to understand that when they throw something it will break. The whole ‘be gentle’ thing is not something they can do effectively. Not because they don’t want to, but because many times a kid has sensory issues and they don’t ‘get’ that they aren’t being careful. Or maybe the Autism is interfering with their ability to fully understand cause and effect. There are many reasons, but the bottom line is that things break often around kids who suffer with Autism.

My hubby has come up with a way to overcome ONE challenge.

The busted TV

Isn't it beautiful? A protected TV :) — Isn’t it beautiful? A protected TV 🙂

Now I purposely left the beat up wall in the picture. Why? To give you an idea of what we deal with. My boy is rough. He throws toys and bangs his head into the wall. Our house is beat up. And this setup is working wonders!! He has smashed and bashed his head and hands on the TV. He has his it with his iPod – yeah I know, Griffin cases rock 😉

This protective cover is a sheet of plexiglass with metal edging to protect the sharp edges attached to the wall with gutter screw spacers. They are a plastic tubes that enable you to screw the object tight to the wall while still being a certain space away from the wall. Worked like a charm 🙂

Can’t say enough about how well this is working for us 🙂 Let me know if you try it and how it is working for YOU!!