Behavior

Nonverbal Autism makes car rides tricky

by Theresa Yeager

I load the car and hope that everything goes as planned. A favorite snack is ready to go; drink and electronic device are positioned where they are easily accessible. His backpack is in the trunk with the coat, boots and socks he needs for school. Car diffuser is running with Grounding essential oil blend in it. What’s so tricky about that? How could this possibly go amiss? Because people with Autism like their routine, this setup brings the comfort of consistency to My Boy. The problem is that today some of my other kids are riding in the car with him too.

Thankfully, my Daughter and Teen know to stay completely silent for the entire trip. They know that they can not have an electronic device for the drive and they can not have anything to eat. They will sit in silence and read for the half hour we are on our journey together.

The most difficult part is that My Boy needs to sit in the front seat instead of his usual seat in the back. I can’t risk putting him next to my Daughter. In all honesty, My Boy does better riding in the front than riding in the back next to someone anyway – so the system seems to work.

After he’s done yelling at me.

I’ve said it before – every action, every behavior – is communication. So how does my nonverbal, 12 year old child with Autism tell me he doesn’t like to ride in the front seat? How will he express to me that he doesn’t like the change in routine?

Simple, he’ll hit me.

If he is mildly annoyed it will be a light tap on my arm while he bites his hand. The angrier he is, the harder he will hit me with his hand, his head, his device or even his food. He will also use hair pulling, pinching and biting if he feels that I am not listening to him.

What is an Autism Momma to do?

I am very sorry fellow Autism parents. I have no amazing words of wisdom to get your through tough car rides. I try to have a ‘special’ snack for him on days that I know the drive will be tough. I will also try my best to keep it as part of the routine – other kids are in the car on Tuesdays for example.

As he is yelling at me with his behavior, I tell him that I am listening to him. I will say over and over again that I know he is angry/upset. I think it is paramount for us as Autism parents to remember that our nonverbal children need to know that they are heard. That what they are saying through their actions is important. Since I know he is struggling and being stern with him is only going to escalate his behavior, I will gently remind him that he needs to talk nicely to me.

Above all, you need to stay safe. You can not safely drive if you are being pummeled. Pull over if you need to. Make an unexpected stop in a parking lot and get out and walk.

Getting to your destination is not more important than your life.

4 Things about your VOICE and Autism

by Theresa Yeager

I will admit it, before Autism I was a yeller. Not only was I a yeller – my entire family are ‘loud talkers’. We all seem to have odd, complicated hearing issues ranging from not being able to hear certain tones or decipher speech when the enunciation is less than stellar. Oh I could make excuses all day long, but the bottom line is that we are all passionate, loud, energetic talkers. And we LOVE to talk.

If you know anything about Autism

You know that just doesn’t fly

I get on the phone and the boy immediately gets agitated. I talk loud on the phone. I’m sorry son. When I am talking to others I can try all I want, but my voice slowly gets louder and louder – then the boy throws a toy in my direction and I know my voice is going right to his head. And it is painful.

Check out Mother Autism on FB

So today’s tip? I want to remind everyone that your voice has a profound effect on your child. Your tone, the energy in your voice, how quickly you speak and the volume. Sometimes we can forget that there is more to a voice then just the volume.

When talking to your child, slow down if your child struggles to follow what you said. There could be a myriad of things going on and it is frequently a struggle to focus on you! Don’t do it in a demeaning way, your kid isn’t stupid. Processing different types of information can be difficult and it may take a few moments for your child to ‘catch’ the first thing you said; and you have already moved on to the next thing. My oldest was given strategies to help him process a little quicker and ways to ‘buy himself time’ while he sifts through the information to make sense of it.
Get to the point. Don’t use flowery words with your child. Don’t go into this long explanation. Autistic people tend to like short, simple, concise directions. This goes for explanations too!
If you are agitated and want to talk to someone and vent your frustration – do it away from your child or pay CLOSE attention to your child’s behavior for warning signs. At the first sign of sensory overload, anger, or frustration you have to stop and change YOUR attitude. We are all human and ‘feed’ off each other’s attitude. Many Autistic people have a heightened sense of this and it can affect them on a very deep level.
Do not yell. Ever. Never. I do not care what happened. I don’t care I you must reprimand your child with Autism, another child, the dog, your spouse, the idiot football player who missed the tackle. Yelling is PAINFUL. Period.

Let them redecorate!

by Theresa Yeager

Autism frequently comes with a slew of sensory issues that many people struggle to identify with. It is hard to understand just what the world looks like through someone else’s eyes to begin with, let alone someone who sees the world in a drastically different light. There was an amazing movie about a woman named Temple Grandin that really shows how the world can be viewed in pictures. She is an amazing woman with Autism who has been able to shed a lot of light on how people with Autism think differently. I highly recommend it – although the beginning is very difficult to watch as it shows her having meltdowns. I couldn’t watch it all in one sitting as it hit home a little too hard <3 But it shows that Autistic minds think differently and it can be amazing!

So as I was saying – there is a sensory piece to Autism that can be challenging. It can be that lights are bothersome, but only sometimes. It could be that sounds are troublesome, but only some sounds on certain occasions. Certain smells may cause physical pain or discomfort – but not consistently. This seemingly randomness can stress parents out because it makes it harder for us to figure out what is going on. My suggestion is – pick your battles.

If your child wants the light off today – is it really necessary to keep it on?
If you child wants you to stop using the mixer – can you use a quiet hand tool instead?
If your child is reacting negatively to chemical cleaners – can’t you switch to a natural product or essential oil?

Which would you rather do, change the environment to help your child feel better, or force the environment and deal with pain and a meltdown? In my home, that means that I had to change the position of our rocking chairs.

I don’t know ‘why’ he doesn’t want a chair on either side of the table anymore. I can’t even begin to try and fathom a guess and this all came on suddenly after years of it being ‘okay’. Quite frankly, it doesn’t matter why. He kept pulling the rocker away from it’s place and didn’t want it on the other side of the table. He would bring it to the front of the other one and promptly come to move it again if we tried to put it back. So I began to think of ways to compromise because it was not worth a fight. I put it next to the other one and he left it there. That placement is okay and he is happy now.

Think outside the box

Because having a calm home is important

For ALL who live there.

Flying with Autism

by Theresa Yeager

It can be very difficult to know exactly how your child is going to react to certain situations. We can prepare them by using social stories, we can try to be ready for all manner of triggers, and we can ‘practice’ at home to try and prepare our children with Autism for these new experiences. The fact of the matter is, many times that just isn’t enough. We can ‘practice’ at home how we are to behave at the dentist’s office, but until you are there with the sights, sounds and smells you really don’t know how it’s going to go.

Thankfully, many dentist’s offices will allow you to bring your child in to view what is going on and see what they may have a hard time with. They then will work toward helping you make the environment easier for your child to handle so that they can get the dental care they need.

Haircuts, eye doctor’s offices, a new school, riding a bus, library, grocery store

All of these places you can go with your child and practice.

And NOW you can practice FLYING!!

15 Airports That Offer “Rehearsal Programs” for Individuals With Autism

This is huge for the Autism community. Flying so difficult since you just can’t ‘explain’ many things adequately and there was no way to practice other then going to the airport and walking around. Great ‘first’ step, but it didn’t help you child to deal with the idea that they were going to need to go through security checks and walk down hallways and sit in seat that just feel different then anything else they have experienced before.

This is the coolest <3

This is going to alleviate so many problems.

Autism Tip of the Week – Diet Diary

by Theresa Yeager

Do you have a kiddo who has ‘other’ stuff going on that keeps you on your toes all the stinkin time? My boy gets headaches and will have seemingly random meltdowns out of the blue. But guess what, in hindsight we see that there was probably a trigger. I just wish I knew beforehand!

Enter the diet diary

Did you know that constipation as well as certain foods can cause headaches? Did you know that these things can also affect behaviors? Think about it, when you feel bloated from eating too much you tend to get cranky. You might feel jittery and therefore be jumpy if you had 1 too many cups of coffee. Other foods can affect behavior as well – MSG (which goes by dozens of names and is considered ‘natural’ so it can be in certified organic products!!), artificial dyes, sugar, carrageenan, and preservatives. What you put in your body has profound effects on your brain – just think about alcohol!

Keeping a diet diary that keeps track of BM’s as well as any adverse behaviors like excessive giggling for ‘no’ reason, headaches, or anything else that isn’t typical for your child can be extremely useful in finding out how food is affecting things. It hit home hardest for us when the boy’s Pre-School teacher asked us to stop sending in apples because he was throwing up right after eating them – I mean apples of all things!!

So never underestimate the power of the scientific method <3 Gather some information and see if you can’t find a trigger for behaviors that are causing your child to have a hard time – or that are causing YOU to have a hard time. You may think the lack of sleep is only affecting you since your kiddo is still bouncing off the walls, but believe me when I tell you that it is affecting his ability to grow, learn and develop. The brain needs time to rest. Even an Autistic brain <3