I must apologize. I must take a moment and say I am so very sorry for my behavior. I must take a step back and acknowledge that I have been in the wrong for the past 3 weeks and it is time that I bit the preverbal bullet and admitted it.
I have been MIA because I crawled into a place that was comfortable. I didn’t want to come out. The boy had oral surgery about 4 weeks ago. He did AMAZING! He had to sit in the hospital waiting room for SEVEN HOURS before they finally took him back. He sat there with Dad and didn’t have anything to eat or drink that whole time. The boy is terrified of doctors and anything that remotely has anything to do with the medical profession, but he sat there calmly and patiently for seven hours.
I wouldn’t have been able to do it – but he did.
That child had come SO FAR.
He had started to progress so much with so many things. His temperament was much calmer, his communication skills were improving and he even started to play with toys more appropriately. We got so very excited because he pushed a toy train across the kitchen and through the living room. This is not something he does. If you are familiar with Autism, you can understand our joy. We even took a picture of the toy – it was that big a deal.
But that all ended.
A doctor at the hospital gave him a medications that we asked he not have. Well, apparently the information didn’t make it to the anesthesiologist’s chart, so he got the drug. An IV dose while he was under general anesthesia. We hoped and prayed that it would all work out okay.
But it didn’t.
My boy still doesn’t have his communication skills back. Mind you, he didn’t have a lot of skill in the area of communication to begin with – but it is all gone now. During the month since his surgery he has had a handful of days where he would ask appropriately for something. Most of the time he would just come up to me and immediately start hitting or pinching me instead of asking me for what he wanted. It wears a mom down…
He was even sent home from school because they couldn’t handle him.
He has regressed and there is
That was my mindset for weeks. I felt helpless because what is done is done. All that work went down the drain in one afternoon. I was hopeful for the first 2 weeks that he would recover quickly – but he hasn’t. Just as I was getting ready to pull myself up by my bootstraps, I had a HUGE fight with a family member over the boy’s behavior. I was told that I should be doing something, I should be medicating him or seeing doctors or something to fix things with the boy.
Yeah – tell me where that magic doctor is and I’ll make an appointment.
My experience is that his mainstream, medical doctor’s don’t care about his emotional reactions to meds.
They only seem to care about physical reactions – allergies and pain.
Then I wrecked my car. I walked away by the grace of God, but it was the only car we had. All the wind was knocked from my sails. Dear friends of mine picked me up and blessed me beyond belief. I was amazing how much love there was. God is amazing in His ability to work through the people around you.
And then my computer crashed and the boy trashed another iPad
A gal can only take so much!!!!
So I hid in my little world, away from dealing with anything that I should have. I hid from dealing with the boy. I hid from checking up on the kids chores and schoolwork. I hid from my husband. I hid from myself. I didn’t write or do anything at all that brought me joy.
I apologize to my audience, to those who look forward to reading my stories of support. I apologize to my family who I hid from and most of all I apologize to myself. It was a moment of weakness, we all have them. We are all human.
I still want to throttle that anesthesiologist, but I’ve learned to let it go. I breathe deep and let the stress GO!
Don’t give up.