#autismhelp

Nonverbal Autism makes car rides tricky

by Theresa Yeager

I load the car and hope that everything goes as planned. A favorite snack is ready to go; drink and electronic device are positioned where they are easily accessible. His backpack is in the trunk with the coat, boots and socks he needs for school. Car diffuser is running with Grounding essential oil blend in it. What’s so tricky about that? How could this possibly go amiss? Because people with Autism like their routine, this setup brings the comfort of consistency to My Boy. The problem is that today some of my other kids are riding in the car with him too.

Thankfully, my Daughter and Teen know to stay completely silent for the entire trip. They know that they can not have an electronic device for the drive and they can not have anything to eat. They will sit in silence and read for the half hour we are on our journey together.

The most difficult part is that My Boy needs to sit in the front seat instead of his usual seat in the back. I can’t risk putting him next to my Daughter. In all honesty, My Boy does better riding in the front than riding in the back next to someone anyway – so the system seems to work.

After he’s done yelling at me.

I’ve said it before – every action, every behavior – is communication. So how does my nonverbal, 12 year old child with Autism tell me he doesn’t like to ride in the front seat? How will he express to me that he doesn’t like the change in routine?

Simple, he’ll hit me.

If he is mildly annoyed it will be a light tap on my arm while he bites his hand. The angrier he is, the harder he will hit me with his hand, his head, his device or even his food. He will also use hair pulling, pinching and biting if he feels that I am not listening to him.

What is an Autism Momma to do?

I am very sorry fellow Autism parents. I have no amazing words of wisdom to get your through tough car rides. I try to have a ‘special’ snack for him on days that I know the drive will be tough. I will also try my best to keep it as part of the routine – other kids are in the car on Tuesdays for example.

As he is yelling at me with his behavior, I tell him that I am listening to him. I will say over and over again that I know he is angry/upset. I think it is paramount for us as Autism parents to remember that our nonverbal children need to know that they are heard. That what they are saying through their actions is important. Since I know he is struggling and being stern with him is only going to escalate his behavior, I will gently remind him that he needs to talk nicely to me.

Above all, you need to stay safe. You can not safely drive if you are being pummeled. Pull over if you need to. Make an unexpected stop in a parking lot and get out and walk.

Getting to your destination is not more important than your life.

Date Night

by Theresa Yeager

Date nights are important for all of us. Single mom’s – go on a self care date or go out with a friend. Married couples – go on a date night. Date nights are important even when you are married. Especially when you are married. Everyone needs to take time to have fun!

Let me say that again.

Date nights are important.

Where you go doesn't matter as much as the fact that you actually GO! — Where you go doesn’t matter – just GO!

I know, I was you. For almost a decade I thought a married couple having a corny “date night” was the dumbest thing ever. Yeah, I thought you should go out to dinner for your anniversary or something. That was it. I mean you are married now. You committed yourselves to each other – now focus on the family, deal with the house and the kids. Then my Boy came along. Autism reared its head in my home and we barely had enough time to focus on the basics. Care for the kids took on a whole new meaning. It was survive the day and keep everyone safe. Feed them and run them wherever they needed to go.

Then it got REAL.

At 8 years old, my Boy got violent. The aggression was so intense that every day we delt with him attacking me, throwing things, biting and kicking. I would go to bed bruised and bloody several times a week. My other kids were scared and I was pregnant.

I won’t lie.

I was scared.

For that year, we had battle plans. We survived. It’s a blur and I honestly don’t remember all that much. It was the beginning of a horrific downward spiral. I reached a point where I had no more to give. My husband and I rarely spoke to each other. I never spoke with my kids except to bark orders or shush them to be quiet – fearful they would set off another meltdown.

It was a cold dark place. I was there because I didn’t take care of myself. I didn’t take the time to enjoy my relationships – with my husband, my kids, my friends and family.

My Boy needs a Warrior Mom. He deserves one. I am that for him. I know thousands of others like me. We go into battle every day for our kids. We put on our armor and we are invincible.

Or we expect to be.

But we aren’t.

We are women in that armor. We are women with needs. And a woman’s needs can only be ignored for so long before… before she breaks apart. But a Warrior Mom holds it all together. She expects to hold herself together too. Because that’s what a warrior does.

But every warrior needs to take the armor off now and again. Every warrior is a person first.

So Warrior Moms, you are no less a warrior because you allow yourself to be a woman. A woman in need of love… in need of care… in need of help…

What makes a woman amazing? She takes the love, care and help given to her – accepted by her; and she multiplies it 100 fold to pour back into others. So if you want to give love, care and help to those you are a caregiver for; first you must accept it from others. Then you can multiply that blessing.

Learning Mindfulness

by Theresa Yeager

I have started taking classes in order to learn about this technique called Mindfulness. Have you ever heard of it? When I first learned of the class, it was called ‘Stress Management’ and I was chomping at the bit at a chance to reserve a seat. See the class is only for parents of kiddos with Autism and there were only 8 seats available.

I wanted one

BAD

I know how important Stress Management is for caregivers and I want to learn all I can about the different techniques you can use to help with self-care and managing the amazing amount of stress Autism can place on the family. When I walked into class, I was handed a binder and I was told that we were going to learn how to practice something called Mindfulness. I have to tell you – this stuff is COOL as ANYTHING!!

According to Psychology Today “Mindfulness is a state of active, open attention on the present. When you’re mindful, you observe your thoughts and feelings from a distance, without judging them good or bad. Instead of letting your life pass you by, mindfulness means living in the moment and awakening to experience.”

In our first class, we practiced mindful breathing. Check out this website to help you learn how to do it. There are also apps for your device if you would like to get them to help with learning www.stopbreathethink.org and http://t2health.dcoe.mil/apps/breathe2relax

It isn’t rocket science. But it isn’t easy either 😉

I am totally using my essential oils to help me relax, focus, and really nail this technique.

Join me on my journey! I have been practicing mindful breathing while using Present Time essential oil blend in order to help me stay focused on the here and now. Give it a try and let me know how it works for you! I’ll check in after my next class and share MORE about how to practice Mindfulness to help deal with stress.

The future of Autism

by Theresa Yeager

Every Autism parent fears the future. We all wonder what is going to happen when we are gone. We wonder what is going to happen when we reach a point in our lives when we can no longer take care of our child.

It is terrifying.

Brace yourself for this read.

It isn’t easy, but it is important.

My broken heart: This is why we need #Autism Awareness

We have a long road ahead of us.

Let’s get started.

My hubby protected my TV!!

by Theresa Yeager

If you have a kiddo like my Boy, you know that electronics break way too easily. We have busted iPads, iPods, televisions, DVD players, telephones, clocks – you name it and it has been broken. Autism can affect a child’s ability to understand that when they throw something it will break. The whole ‘be gentle’ thing is not something they can do effectively. Not because they don’t want to, but because many times a kid has sensory issues and they don’t ‘get’ that they aren’t being careful. Or maybe the Autism is interfering with their ability to fully understand cause and effect. There are many reasons, but the bottom line is that things break often around kids who suffer with Autism.

My hubby has come up with a way to overcome ONE challenge.

The busted TV

Isn't it beautiful? A protected TV :) — Isn’t it beautiful? A protected TV 🙂

Now I purposely left the beat up wall in the picture. Why? To give you an idea of what we deal with. My boy is rough. He throws toys and bangs his head into the wall. Our house is beat up. And this setup is working wonders!! He has smashed and bashed his head and hands on the TV. He has his it with his iPod – yeah I know, Griffin cases rock 😉

This protective cover is a sheet of plexiglass with metal edging to protect the sharp edges attached to the wall with gutter screw spacers. They are a plastic tubes that enable you to screw the object tight to the wall while still being a certain space away from the wall. Worked like a charm 🙂

Can’t say enough about how well this is working for us 🙂 Let me know if you try it and how it is working for YOU!!