#autismsupport

Brotherly Love Trumps Autism Struggles

by Theresa Yeager

Living with Autism presents such a boatload of challenges. It challenges the family and it challenges the person. Day in and day out it is exhausting for everyone. My Boy has to take extreme effort to attempt to get his most basic communication heard. No words, no sign language, no electronic communication…. He relies on pulling people around and throwing their hand at things. The frustration he feels has got to be tremendous – especially when people get the wrong message. Or worse, they won’t let him ‘talk’ to them at all because they are afraid that he is grabbing them to pinch or bite.

But The Boy’s baby brother opened my eyes. He is almost 4 now. Such an innocent and precious 4 year old with the biggest heart. Now I could rationalize it and tell myself that this innocence is because he doesn’t remember watching me beaten to tears by his big brother like his other siblings have.

I choose not to.

I am choosing to love and support that this little 4 year old looks up to his big brother and wants to be just like him. I am choosing to support his want to follow his big brother around the yard and do the same things his brother enjoys. I am choosing to stay close to make sure I pick up any non-verbal cues from The Boy saying he is done having company. I am choosing to squelch the fear that the little one isn’t going to be safe if aggression shows it’s ugly face. I sat watching them throw rocks and sticks off into the woods. I smiled as they wandered from place to place. The Boy decked out in a full blown snowsuit next to his baby brother in shorts. The pair of them melted my heart and reminded me that what you see is your choice.

I saw 2 brothers wandering around enjoying each other.

And for once, Autism didn’t matter one bit.

Date Night

by Theresa Yeager

Date nights are important for all of us. Single mom’s – go on a self care date or go out with a friend. Married couples – go on a date night. Date nights are important even when you are married. Especially when you are married. Everyone needs to take time to have fun!

Let me say that again.

Date nights are important.

Where you go doesn't matter as much as the fact that you actually GO! — Where you go doesn’t matter – just GO!

I know, I was you. For almost a decade I thought a married couple having a corny “date night” was the dumbest thing ever. Yeah, I thought you should go out to dinner for your anniversary or something. That was it. I mean you are married now. You committed yourselves to each other – now focus on the family, deal with the house and the kids. Then my Boy came along. Autism reared its head in my home and we barely had enough time to focus on the basics. Care for the kids took on a whole new meaning. It was survive the day and keep everyone safe. Feed them and run them wherever they needed to go.

Then it got REAL.

At 8 years old, my Boy got violent. The aggression was so intense that every day we delt with him attacking me, throwing things, biting and kicking. I would go to bed bruised and bloody several times a week. My other kids were scared and I was pregnant.

I won’t lie.

I was scared.

For that year, we had battle plans. We survived. It’s a blur and I honestly don’t remember all that much. It was the beginning of a horrific downward spiral. I reached a point where I had no more to give. My husband and I rarely spoke to each other. I never spoke with my kids except to bark orders or shush them to be quiet – fearful they would set off another meltdown.

It was a cold dark place. I was there because I didn’t take care of myself. I didn’t take the time to enjoy my relationships – with my husband, my kids, my friends and family.

My Boy needs a Warrior Mom. He deserves one. I am that for him. I know thousands of others like me. We go into battle every day for our kids. We put on our armor and we are invincible.

Or we expect to be.

But we aren’t.

We are women in that armor. We are women with needs. And a woman’s needs can only be ignored for so long before… before she breaks apart. But a Warrior Mom holds it all together. She expects to hold herself together too. Because that’s what a warrior does.

But every warrior needs to take the armor off now and again. Every warrior is a person first.

So Warrior Moms, you are no less a warrior because you allow yourself to be a woman. A woman in need of love… in need of care… in need of help…

What makes a woman amazing? She takes the love, care and help given to her – accepted by her; and she multiplies it 100 fold to pour back into others. So if you want to give love, care and help to those you are a caregiver for; first you must accept it from others. Then you can multiply that blessing.

Underestimating those with Autism

by Theresa Yeager

Facebook decided to tell me of a memory the other day. A memory that gave my heartstrings quite a tug and it keeps replaying in my mind. It was a post I made after visiting The Boy at school and witnessing something wonderful.

It was time for The Boy to do his work and in front of him sat a paper with his name written on it. The teacher read the name to him and my Boy motioned to himself. He recognized that name as being his name. As being him. There wasn’t a dry eye to be had. We were beyond happy that he showed us what he already knew.

That was 4 years ago. He was 7 at the time.

Today we still struggle with having him spell his name. He won’t type it out on his own, but he obviously knows that it is ‘his’. I had forgotten that he did demonstrate it clearly to us all those years ago. There is so much knowledge locked away in that mind of his. I go through every day, every interaction with him under the assumption that he has complete understanding of everything going on around him. I do not assume that he doesn’t comprehend the words spoken in another room. I do not talk about him as if he wasn’t there.

He is a person.

He is just unable to express himself in a way that we can understand.

And he does not see the point in demonstrating his knowledge to those around him simply because we want him to. He will not point to something because you asked him to. He will only demonstrate his knowledge in functional applications. I find that remarkable. I mean, why on earth should he spend his time and energy in tasks that have no practical applications in his life.

A prime example? My amazing Boy was learning to use scissors at school. I was told that he had reached the limit of his ability and the professional didn’t feel he would be able to progress further. So I put scissors in his hands when he wanted frozen fruit and told him he had to cut the bag open himself.

Hmmmmmm, guess who is using scissors….

Don’t underestimate your child.

You may just be looking at things from a different angle.

It’s time to think outside the box.

3 steps to surviving school breaks

by Theresa Yeager

Oh my goodness. I can’t believe it is only TUESDAY!! My wonderful, amazing, energetic and loving Boy has off all week-long for spring break. That means 9 days without services and Hubby and I running without a break. That is rough on a family, let me tell you!

So, let me cut to the chase since I am ready to crash on the couch and try to recover. I don’t even want to think about tomorrow, but I must if I plan on making it through this school break without tons of meltdowns and miserable kids. I’m going to give you all my top 3 tips to surviving when your child has off from school for extended periods of time. It’s not rocket science, but when your brain is mush (like mine is right now!) it is helpful to have a list to look at so you can refocus, regroup and then charge back into battle:

Have some structure in your day. I don’t mean that you have to run a full on school day in your home, but your child will feel much better if the main times are kept the same. If he/she usually has lunch at 11:30, recess and then a snack at 2, try to accommodate that at home as well. Children with special needs tend to like routine and this small step can eliminate a lot of heartache for both parent and child.
Build sensory needs into your routine. If you have a sensory kiddo at home, then chances are that you already have sensory ‘things’ you do at home to get through the night. Now realize that your child isn’t getting any input from his/her therapies at school during the day. You need to up the ante at home. An hour-long bath in the afternoon plus the bedtime bath – not a bad idea!! Let your child play in a dish pan in the sink with bubbles, grab some play-doh or moon sand, dig outside in the dirt, carry rocks from your garden, pull a wagon or push a wheelbarrow, take some time to swing on the swings or climb the rock wall at a local park. Whatever your child’s needs are – you will need to fill them while they are off from school. If you forget to do this, after a few days you will be faced with a sensory deprived child who is a very unhappy camper indeed <3
Family Time
Finally – DO SOMETHING FUN!! Your child is home with you for days on end. You may be counting the hours until you can crash in your bed, but don’t forget that this is supposed to be a time that parents take to bond with their children and do something enjoyable. What does your child enjoy? Pick something that works with your child so that you can enjoy the time rather than feel stressed. Maybe strapping him/her into a stroller and going for a walk in the park would be enjoyable. Maybe a trip to a sparsely populated lake or beach. We love to go to a local creek with hiking trails so that the Boy can throw rocks in the water. It fills his sensory needs (they are some BIG rocks) and the rest of the kids get to look at the wildlife, play in the water and just run around being kids.

The BEST is when there is a park right there too. We can all be together. A family.

Whatever happens over school break, make sure you take a few moments to recharge yourself. Self-care is of the utmost importance. You won’t be able to care for everyone else if you don’t care for yourself. It is hard when we don’t have someone take our child for a few hours and we are constantly going. We are on high alert during break and we go long periods of time without ‘down’ time. Putting your body through extended periods of stress is unhealthy.

So take a moment. It may be the 25 seconds you have to go to the bathroom today. Maybe your child is happily playing on a device for a short time. Seize the moment to care for yourself. This week all I can manage is to make myself a cup of tea, and diffuse some Lemon or Stress Away essential oil to keep my spirits up. I plan to do some serious self-care come Monday when The Boy is BACK IN SCHOOL!!

Life’s rough, for everyone.

by Theresa Yeager

I write a lot about Autism and how it affects our family. I write about the struggles and the accomplishments as well as offer some tips when I’ve discovered them. My goal is to let you know you are not alone. That taking care of yourself is SO VERY important because your body has a limit and you really don’t want to see what happens when you reach it. The fact is, everyone needs to take ‘self-care’ seriously. Sadly, most of us don’t.

If you have a special needs child, you need to take care of yourself because you are under crazy amounts of stress. But guess what? Parents in general are under a lot of stress! No, it isn’t the same. Those of us with special needs kids will burn out faster. We tend to think our situation will never change and we will be in this season of life forever. It is a huge fear in the Autism community, rooted in the fact that adult services for people with Autism is seriously lacking. But make no mistake, even parents of ‘typical’ kids will burnout if they neglect themselves.

Maybe you are taking care of a disabled spouse or even your aging parent. Have you ever taken care of a person with Alzheimer’s? Oh, my, goodness. It can be very emotionally exhausting. Again with the stress.

What can we do about it?

Plenty.

Take time for yourself. Read a book, a bath, get away for the weekend, enjoy a quiet cup of coffee alone or with a friend. Relaxation techniques are amazing. Try Yoga, Mindfulness, Meditation or even just sitting quietly with a soul-renewing prayer. Add Aromatherapy in or use it on its own. Anything that is focused on YOU is the goal.

Lock yourself in the bathroom for 3 minutes if you must. That’s how I made it through my crazy week last week. And NONE of that stress was due to Autism or The Boy – it was all the other kids and my dad!!