#specialneedssupport

What to play

by Theresa Yeager

The Boy has stopped going to bed at a decent hour. He is refusing all his oral meds/supplements. He is now afraid of my washer and won’t stay inside if there are more than 3 of us in the house. He is sitting in the car for HOURS plaing on an electronic device. All we have left is an old iPhone 4 that he can use now. The iPod touch is outside somewhere. Well, after the thunder storm we had – pretty sure it’s toast. The iPad we had was destroyed and the Samsung we were gifted he found and shattered as well.

And then his new summer school teacher asked me what he likes to do at home…

Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Cue my feeling like a worthless parent.

I wish I could find things he enjoys. Something non-electronic he could play.

I have seen him in the sandbox.

I have let him play a little with the water from the hose.

He has spent a moment or 2 on the tire swing.

So what does my boy like to do?

With a broken heart, I have to admit – I just don’t know.

And guess what? It’s not my fault.

And now I’m going to take some time to try and convince my heart

Do you ever feel like you are failing as a parent? Do you ever feel like there are so many things that you ‘should’ know and you just don’t? You are not alone!!

Supportive Friends keep you Sane

by Theresa Yeager

I don’t get away to visit friends very often. Sure, I get some time to chat on Facebook, text and the odd phone call here and there; but a true visit with someone is super rare. I recently was able to take a couple of hours away, thanks to my amazing Hubby. I ran my errands and stopped by a dear friend’s home to chat and have some stove popped corn with butter and garlic – YUMMO!! She and her hubby raised their wonderful children and now they live in a small cabin, off-grid, in the middle of nowhere. It is a beautiful cabin, a breath-taking view and a little slice of Heaven on Earth.

We chatted about special needs children. I took the opportunity to pick her brain about her children and how she navigated summers with all her children home, including her special needs child. She had some insightful information, but my favorite thing she said was that it is all about your mindset. She didn’t try to ‘survive the summer’ with her child home. She ‘thrived in the summer’ when she was able to have her children home with her without having to worry about someone else’s timetables. Someone else’s expectations. She could do what was best for her family each day based on her family, not based on meeting certain academic goals.

It was brilliant.

And I can’t wait to share more with you when I release my book!

What a wealth of information she is, and an invaluable friend. We talked about how to optimize our off-grid electrical systems. We compared notes about batteries, panels and output. And when her hubby came home we talked a little business since we are both Network Marketers as well. It is so refreshing to visit with friends who share so many interests. Friends who have walked down your path before and can offer wise words to support, guide and commiserate.

If you don’t have a support system in place, a friend you can turn to – it is important you find one. You don’t have to be able to meet for coffee, chatting on Facebook works too! Just knowing there is someone else out there who gets it can help you to cope. No matter what life throws at you <3

Autism, hypervigilance and self-doubt

by Theresa Yeager

I was beginning to think that my hypervigilance was unnecessary. That it was something that was ‘wrong’ with me and I should just snap out of it. I mean I would get very nervous about 30 minutes before the Boy was due to get off the bus. I would walk around the house making sure everything was exactly as it needed to be. Were the living room toys put away? Was the futon couch we have put back in its proper position after the baby and I had it in the lounge position to watch some TV last night? Is there a snack sitting in the right spot on the kitchen table? Washing machine lid closed and bathroom door closed? All the trigger items back in their proper place – mop, electric razor, stand mixer, vacuum cleaner? Diffuser running with a familiar blend of essential oils? Afternoon supplements set up and ready to go?

Time to get him off the bus.

I would feel this anxiousness in my chest. Were we going to have a good night or a bad one?

This scenario would play over and over every day. If it was a weekend, the steps would be different but the feelings the same. Keep the siblings quiet. Calm the cranky child so that the whining and the tantrum doesn’t set the Boy off. Lunch on the table in time. Snack. Dinner. Snack. Bedtime routine. But wait, the sun isn’t cooperating and he isn’t ready yet………. Are we going to have a meltdown or just some quick angry punches?

Brace yourself for the worst.

We have been going day after day without a significant meltdown. So I was beginning to second guess myself. I was. I was really starting to think that my behavior, my feelings were unfounded and that it was about ME and not about Autism.

Then we had a very rough time after school today and I was reminded that it isn’t me. He was kicking parts of the bus so long and so hard that a screw came loose and fell out. He put another hole in the wall. My arms hurt cause his nails are overdue for cutting.

I wonder if this is how soldiers feel. How abuse victims feel. You are just waiting for the next time that “it” is going to happen, so you can’t enjoy the time that you have in peace. You just can’t shut it down and relax. Because the moment you do

BAM

You are right back in the fight again and that wonderful calm is ripped from your grasp. Best not to enjoy it because it hurts so much when it’s gone… So we walk through life waiting for the inevitable. A soldier and a victim – Lord willing they will escape their circumstances. Lord willing, they will have the ability to end the cycle and move forward with their lives away from the “it” that caused them to be on high alert.

So where does that leave the parents like me?

3 steps to surviving school breaks

by Theresa Yeager

Oh my goodness. I can’t believe it is only TUESDAY!! My wonderful, amazing, energetic and loving Boy has off all week-long for spring break. That means 9 days without services and Hubby and I running without a break. That is rough on a family, let me tell you!

So, let me cut to the chase since I am ready to crash on the couch and try to recover. I don’t even want to think about tomorrow, but I must if I plan on making it through this school break without tons of meltdowns and miserable kids. I’m going to give you all my top 3 tips to surviving when your child has off from school for extended periods of time. It’s not rocket science, but when your brain is mush (like mine is right now!) it is helpful to have a list to look at so you can refocus, regroup and then charge back into battle:

Have some structure in your day. I don’t mean that you have to run a full on school day in your home, but your child will feel much better if the main times are kept the same. If he/she usually has lunch at 11:30, recess and then a snack at 2, try to accommodate that at home as well. Children with special needs tend to like routine and this small step can eliminate a lot of heartache for both parent and child.
Build sensory needs into your routine. If you have a sensory kiddo at home, then chances are that you already have sensory ‘things’ you do at home to get through the night. Now realize that your child isn’t getting any input from his/her therapies at school during the day. You need to up the ante at home. An hour-long bath in the afternoon plus the bedtime bath – not a bad idea!! Let your child play in a dish pan in the sink with bubbles, grab some play-doh or moon sand, dig outside in the dirt, carry rocks from your garden, pull a wagon or push a wheelbarrow, take some time to swing on the swings or climb the rock wall at a local park. Whatever your child’s needs are – you will need to fill them while they are off from school. If you forget to do this, after a few days you will be faced with a sensory deprived child who is a very unhappy camper indeed <3
Family Time
Finally – DO SOMETHING FUN!! Your child is home with you for days on end. You may be counting the hours until you can crash in your bed, but don’t forget that this is supposed to be a time that parents take to bond with their children and do something enjoyable. What does your child enjoy? Pick something that works with your child so that you can enjoy the time rather than feel stressed. Maybe strapping him/her into a stroller and going for a walk in the park would be enjoyable. Maybe a trip to a sparsely populated lake or beach. We love to go to a local creek with hiking trails so that the Boy can throw rocks in the water. It fills his sensory needs (they are some BIG rocks) and the rest of the kids get to look at the wildlife, play in the water and just run around being kids.

The BEST is when there is a park right there too. We can all be together. A family.

Whatever happens over school break, make sure you take a few moments to recharge yourself. Self-care is of the utmost importance. You won’t be able to care for everyone else if you don’t care for yourself. It is hard when we don’t have someone take our child for a few hours and we are constantly going. We are on high alert during break and we go long periods of time without ‘down’ time. Putting your body through extended periods of stress is unhealthy.

So take a moment. It may be the 25 seconds you have to go to the bathroom today. Maybe your child is happily playing on a device for a short time. Seize the moment to care for yourself. This week all I can manage is to make myself a cup of tea, and diffuse some Lemon or Stress Away essential oil to keep my spirits up. I plan to do some serious self-care come Monday when The Boy is BACK IN SCHOOL!!

Life’s rough, for everyone.

by Theresa Yeager

I write a lot about Autism and how it affects our family. I write about the struggles and the accomplishments as well as offer some tips when I’ve discovered them. My goal is to let you know you are not alone. That taking care of yourself is SO VERY important because your body has a limit and you really don’t want to see what happens when you reach it. The fact is, everyone needs to take ‘self-care’ seriously. Sadly, most of us don’t.

If you have a special needs child, you need to take care of yourself because you are under crazy amounts of stress. But guess what? Parents in general are under a lot of stress! No, it isn’t the same. Those of us with special needs kids will burn out faster. We tend to think our situation will never change and we will be in this season of life forever. It is a huge fear in the Autism community, rooted in the fact that adult services for people with Autism is seriously lacking. But make no mistake, even parents of ‘typical’ kids will burnout if they neglect themselves.

Maybe you are taking care of a disabled spouse or even your aging parent. Have you ever taken care of a person with Alzheimer’s? Oh, my, goodness. It can be very emotionally exhausting. Again with the stress.

What can we do about it?

Plenty.

Take time for yourself. Read a book, a bath, get away for the weekend, enjoy a quiet cup of coffee alone or with a friend. Relaxation techniques are amazing. Try Yoga, Mindfulness, Meditation or even just sitting quietly with a soul-renewing prayer. Add Aromatherapy in or use it on its own. Anything that is focused on YOU is the goal.

Lock yourself in the bathroom for 3 minutes if you must. That’s how I made it through my crazy week last week. And NONE of that stress was due to Autism or The Boy – it was all the other kids and my dad!!