Gotta say that today was rough. Just downright tough. I mean as I am crying I just can’t get over how I have managed to get through the days like this one in the past. Do you know what I am talking about? You many not be an Autism parent. Maybe your kid has something else going on. Maybe you take care of a parent or spouse. Maybe you are trying to figure out how you are going to pay the rent or put food on the table.
Whatever your journey – some days can be tough. Tough enough to test our resolve and see if we are just going to fold. Throw that towel in and hide under the covers. You know what. Sometimes it’s not just a day. Sometimes it is a week. Sometimes it is tough for a month. Sometimes we feel like we are going to break in two because it has been SO tough for years.
I feel ya.
But know that when you are at that point, when you feel like you just can’t go on – you can. Lean into the Lord. Lean into your support system. Lean into those He has given you and realize that there are things that are out of your control.
And that is okay.
I fielded a meltdown today that was intense. The last few minutes of school my Boy had a super hard time and began to bite and pinch. It carried over into pickup time. Looking back – I know that it was because he had a killer headache. At the time, I hadn’t a clue what was wrong. I was trying to keep him safe, myself safe and figure out how I was going to make the 45 minute drive home with him without getting into an accident or having him crack my head open with one of the objects he kept finding from out of ‘nowhere’.
There were 4 professionals from the school with me, trying to help. Getting him off of me when he pulled a handful of hair out of my head. Helping to get him to release from my arm when he had bitten down on the bare skin. Running to the other side of the car to prevent him from jumping out into traffic. Breaking his grip as he ripped my shirt and tried to bite my hands.
It was a ROUGH time.
I was so upset and in such pain that I couldn’t really talk to them. I could hear my voice crack every time I asked a question to try and figure out how to calm him. Whenever I tried to answer questions of the person who came out of the school – about how we were going to be able to safely drive with him in the vehicle.
I don’t know why he finally calmed and buckled in. But he did. I cleaned up all the things he had thrown and broken, slathered myself with my favorite essential oil (Release!!) and got in the car. Stupid me… I didn’t have any of HIS favorite oils in the car. So we had to wait until we got home before he could pick what HE wanted to smell.
Getting home was a blur. Every time I tried to talk I would start to cry. So I went through the motions and asked The Boy what oil he wanted. I think he picked Deep Relief and Basil… but I really can’t be sure. I took some Arnica for my injuries – and now I am realizing that I really should put something on these cuts… I forgot all about it when he decided that pooping outside was a good idea. Of course, the washer was running in the bathroom. Can’t go in there with all that noise…
But I feel better now. Just when I was able to let the tears flow and I thought for sure I wouldn’t be able to tolerate another beating – The Boy asked nicely for an electronic device and a movie on the TV. He grabbed a snack and is happy in the living room.
The battle is over. But the War rages on.
For now – God has granted me some rest. It won’t last long, I know.
But for now, I say