The Boy has stopped going to bed at a decent hour. He is refusing ALL his oral meds and supplements and won’t stay inside if there are more than 3 of us total. 
Instead, he sits in the car for HOURS to play on an electronic device. In the silence. Away from everyone. All we have left is an old iPhone 4 that he can use. The iPod is outside… somewhere…. Both iPad minis are destroyed. The Samsung tablet is shattered. All I can see is dollar signs in broken screens.
Today, one of the professionals trying to help us asked what he enjoys doing at home….
Ummmmmmmmmmmmmm
Enter my feeling like a bad parent.
I wish I could find things he enjoys. Something non-electronic he could play. I have seen him in the sandbox. I’ve let him play with the water from the hose. He has spent a moment on the tire swing.
So what does my boy like to play?
With a broken heart I have to admit
I DON’T KNOW
And guess what? It’s not my fault. I’m not a bad mom. I’m not uninvolved. I’m not failing him. We have tried to offer him many different things and each only lasts a short season. Since he can’t tell me, how can I know what he really enjoys? How is a mom supposed to know unless she tries and tries and tries some more to see that face light up from totally enjoyment? What do you do when that light just doesn’t shine? Well, I’m going to keep trying. I’m just going to just push on with more options for him. Can you believe I’m going to keep telling myself that I am not a horrible person, a failing parent, because I don’t know what my Boy enjoys most? Yup, that’s what I’m going to do.
Because I still need to convince my heart <3
